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Rough Guide to South India – For Pakistanis – Part 1

August 23, 2010

I must confess: South India confuses me! In my utter ignorance, I didn’t know even know that a completely different culture existed in South of India. It was only after I got to know about Rajnikanth (who earns much, much more than Amitabh Bachchan, and apparently a bigger star) and also after my brother faced the biggest language barriers when he visited Chennai.

I know a lot of my fellow Pakistani brethren share the same ignorance of mine, and I thought it would be a worthwhile service to enlighten them as well! As they say, know your… ahem.. *cough* it rhymes with shenemy *cough*

So, presenting to you, First part of South India for Dummies (Also Pakistanis)

Disclaimer: My knowledge of South India basically comes from other North Indians (because South Indians never interacted with non-South Indians in my college for some odd reason), stereotypes, conjecture, one sadistic Telegu comrade, and a grand total of two South Indian films (one Telegu and one Tamil) – SO I MAY BE WRONG ABOUT CERTAIN ASPECTS.

So the four provinces that make South India are Karnataka, Kerala, Andhra Pradesh, and Tamil Nadu.

They might or might not have considerable population, or power base. Also, the languages are Dravidian unlike the Indo-Aryan languages in the North (and in Pakistan). (Surprising, some language in Balouchistan called Brahui is also a Dravidian language) .

Like I can tell the difference

However, it is unfair to pair all these cultures in one term “South India” because these are very distinct cultures, and all of them are very distinct people.

Its all in the facial hair!

However they share one common trait

Also, as for the cuisine!

Now, lets look at each of these provinces, separately


Most importantly

The capital, and the biggest city, of Kerala is Thiruvananthapuram. Hence the new Kerala IPL is going to be based in Kochi! Nobody wants to pronounce that!  Which is a brilliant segue into the fact that Kerala is the home constituency of…..

More importantly, it is famous for the Kerala Model, which perhaps was the basis of the Millennium Development Goals. Also, this awesomeness came from Kerala

Also, Mallu porn is the worst!



Home of the Tipu, Tipu Sultan. Don’t know anything else about that story, so go wiki it! Anyways, the official language is Kannada, and the capital is Bangalore. (And apparently there’s no etymological link between Karnataka and Carnatic music, or perhaps there is). Anyways…

.. And that was BEFORE Kamran Akmal

The success story of the state is the booming IT sector!

However, in the future this state will likely to succeed from the Union

To Be Continued….

22 Comments leave one →
  1. XoXo permalink
    August 23, 2010 5:10 am

    How can you miss this >

    • August 23, 2010 5:14 am

      Haha, according to my research its from Andhra! Thats the next part! Nirodh is a cult song, but Telegu!

  2. XoXo permalink
    August 23, 2010 5:28 am

    And today is Onam

  3. August 23, 2010 5:35 am

    This is brilliant.

  4. August 23, 2010 11:41 am

    wow… that is some damn good research, especially the obscure bearded actors that seem to form the staple of southern films… i have no idea how you managed to tease those differences out.

  5. August 23, 2010 10:45 pm

    Good one 🙂

  6. August 24, 2010 3:29 am


  7. August 24, 2010 3:33 am

    @XoXo: I didn’t know what Onam was 😛

    @karachikhatmal: Well he is not an obscure actor, actually he played the bad guy in Raavan and the hero in the Tamil version Raavanan. His name is Vikram.

    @amaluu: Thanks! Haha and thanks for clarifying ” Tamil = Tamilians, Kannada = Kannadigas, Malayalee = Malayalees/Keralites”

  8. August 24, 2010 3:34 am

    Yaar! Now I understand all things South Indian thanks to you! Where did you get that Vikram collage?

    • August 24, 2010 3:48 am

      Its just some google search, and then joined it together! I usually dont have a plan hows it going to turn up, (as happened with that particular picture) when I start it! Thats why im so inefficient with this blog thing, but then it makes it an experience for me as well!

  9. Natsan permalink
    August 24, 2010 5:30 pm

    hahah. Funny post but you forgot to mention all the delicious non-veg Kerala food, one of the few places where people actually cook beef. hmm delicious.

  10. Mackers permalink
    August 27, 2010 10:48 pm

    Yup. South Indians are not exactly all vegetarians. Kerala is one of the very few India states that allow cow slaughter- in part due to its religious diversity. Hyderabad in Andhra is know for its biryanis and kebabs. Chettinad cuisine from Tamil Nadu is also mostly non-veg.

    I am also greatly aggrieved that you didn’t include a sampling of Mallu porn. Even a link would have done

  11. August 30, 2010 10:46 am

    Nice guide. Like Sita-ji, who referred me to this post, I live in the U.S., so I might have a slightly different kind of dummy’s perspective.

    I have always had a strange interest in Kerala, and I think you covered that state pretty well, although you didn’t mention that Kerala also brought us Shobana, as well as her aunts Padmini, Ragini, and Lalitha (oh, triple my!).

    I have known about the Kerala Model too, but I didn’t know that Keralites eat beef – which is a relief, because I thought that if I ever went there, I would have to live on fish (yuck)…

    Though I have also known about their famous communist pickles…

  12. abishtu permalink
    September 13, 2010 10:50 pm

    haha. that’s more than a north indian would ever know.

    crucial cultural rules on facial hair aside, most indians need a rough guide to pakistan though. the only thing that got to us (down south) is junoon (!)

  13. October 2, 2010 4:11 pm

    dude, i am probably biggest fan of telugu cinema in pakistan… well not in pakistan, rather from pakistan. i have a post in my mind about why i love telugu cinema which i will write soon. just in case, here is the summary. i love telugu cinema because of
    THE LOOKS OF ANUSHKA SHETTY, KAJAL AGARWAL, NEHA SHARMA etc. from the mainsteam hindi cinema, Asin, Genelia etc. are from Andhra. of course sania bhabhi too is from hyderabad.
    THE CHOREOGRAPHY OF MANI SHARMA (check out BOMMAALI from BILLA for costumes and dances) or JOR SE from MAGHADHEERA.
    plus i love their music. i dont understand a word of the language (bommaali means DOLL) but i can listen to their songs all the time. songs like SUKU MAARI, CHIKAR KELI PANDU etc.
    phew… dont get me started.

  14. October 2, 2010 4:12 pm

    also, SANTOSH SIVAM is probably the best cinematographer ever born in India. he is from tamil nadu. Mani Ratnam is from Tami Nadu. AR Rehman and MM Kareem are from Tamil Nadu. singers like SK Chitra and SIRINIVAS are from south.

  15. October 5, 2010 7:08 am

    First, the new post is almost ready, just being lazy coming back to my computer post-some changes in life (not huge ones, mind you).

    @RichardS @natsan @mackers I was fascinated by the beef thing as well! I genuinely didn’t know about that. But thanks y’all for the feedback. I believe they call it active learning in the educational circles. meh!

    @abishtu Man, I cannot give a rough guide to pakistan! The concepts are not so simple for me to break down 😛 Though you should go into Noori now! Junoon was so last millenium!

    @saayer Well you have to wait for next installment… all i would say is yes Magadheera is mentioned, as well as Mumaith Khan! Drool on that one! Waisay i am intrigued with South Indian cinema as well, perhaps do something on it as well. I saw three movies as yet, and enjoyed all three of them, one telegu and 2 tamil. The last tamil was Raavanan, and Vikram is so much better than Abhishek can ever be!

  16. October 7, 2010 4:09 pm

    agree that it’s better to have an outsider’s perspective when it comes to simplifying things. yer, i have a tendency to live in the last millennium having moved from the motherland in 2000.

  17. October 13, 2010 3:58 am

    What? no mallu porn?

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